i put my wife’s preferences behind me, after all she did consent to the trip, and she was also out of town and wouldn’t even know for certain if i was indeed gone for the two days. This trip wasn’t going to hurt anyone, it stood only to bring pleasure and gain. So i packed my bags, feeling the jitters of excitement zipping through me, i set my alarm to assure that i wouldn’t miss my morning flight.

 

The alarm never rang; i beat the alarm as i was up and skipping about through my house. Showered and dressed, i packed breakfast; stepped into my office to triple check my schedule, turned off the lights, locked the doors, and headed out towards the airport. Under my voice rang a tune of pure joy, i felt the sensations that usually came when i am on my journey Home, to see my Mistress.

 

Scheduled to drop off my car at an alternative parking site off the airport, i paid close attention to my directions. i made sure to give myself plenty of time to beat the morning traffic which turned out not to be that bad. Just as i was nearing my exit, somewhat ahead of schedule, my phone rang: Who could be calling me this early? it was an automated message: Damn those sales people, they have a knack for calling at the worst times. Upon paying closer attention i realized it was my airline calling with an urgent message: “in an effort to avoid confusion at the airport, we want to inform you that your flight *Has Been Canceled!* please call customer service to reschedule your flight”.

 

i felt as though i needed to pull over, my heart was racing, my mouth suddenly felt dry, and a bad lump was forming in my throat. That tune of joy came to an abrupt halt, my pulses of excitement vanished at once, and i felt increasingly unable to hold back the onslaught of deep sorrow that was about to burst that lump in my throat.

 

The customer service agent on the other side of the phone tried frantically to reschedule me onto another flight, however all of the flights within my range of schedule were fully booked, and the one flight available would bring me late to my destination. Determined not to give up, i proceeded to the parking facility, upon informing them that my flight was canceled, i was advised to call the toll free number to get refunded for my prepayment. From there i proceeded to the airport where i would park my car and try my luck with the ticket agents at the airline’s ticket counter.

 

Waiting in line for roughly 20 minutes, i was rehearsing my story and request for a rescheduling of my flight. Approaching the agent i blurted out my story as well as my phone experience with customer service, the agent confirmed my fears that there were indeed no flights available to bring me Home to my Mistress for the dinner. The best they could do was allowing me to reschedule the flight for a future date - free of charge! That was a far cry from alleviating my immediate concerns.

 

Grabbing my bag, i rushed to find other airlines that might help me. One after the other, i tried, but got nowhere, three other airlines informed me that they couldn’t get me to Mistress today. Broken and totally dejected i returned to my airline, i knew that i now had to make the most difficult phone call of my life, i took the escalator downstairs to the baggage claim area, found a quiet corner, and with tears i was trying to desperately hold back, filled with dread and shame, i dialed the number to my Mistress.

 

When my Mistress answered the phone, i felt deeply out of place as i never called Mistress unexpectedly. i only dared to do this “once” before, and the unexpected shock in my Mistress’s voice was enough to teach me never to do it again. Mistress is not an access line that you may call at will. Mistress’s boys are not meant to surprise Her. Mistress’s availability is not to be projected at will, unless so scheduled in advance. Therefore i never called unless i was expected to do so.

 

This is why immediately upon hearing my Mistress’s voice i felt extremely awkward and didn’t know how to explain the purpose of my unscheduled call. Yet i realized that i was required to tell Her of the morning’s developments, and once again i filled with deep horror and pain. i barely managed a “hi Mistress” when She replied: “Why do you sound so down, rabbit?” Suddenly i felt a mild sense of comfort blending in with the pain and sorrow, my Mistress was already deciphering, decoding, and picking me apart, i began to feel some relaxation, my task was to simply answer Her questions, Mistress would take care of all else.

 

Mistress responded to my crisis methodically and in a calculated manner. She immediately engaged another slave who worked in the airline industry instructing him to find a way to bring Her rabbit home. She instructed me (after allowing me to throw some cold water on my face in the washroom) to return to the ticket line, in time She would give me further instructions. i felt a sense of protection come over me, Mistress seemed to put all else aside to assure me that i wouldn’t be left stranded and alone.

 

And then it struck me! Didn’t my wife object to this trip? Shouldn’t i now take that into greater consideration? i never shared that detail with my Mistress, i never thought of it as an important factor - after all my wife did give her approval to the trip - but now i had to share this factor with my Mistress.

 

“May i tell You something, Mistress?” i said into my phone. “Go ahead my boy” She said. i replied “my wife didn’t want me to travel today, i don’t know if this means anything?” i couldn’t handle the waves of emotion that were attacking me at once. It was again becoming clear that i might not be at the dinner and i felt a choking need to cry. i stepped out of the ticket line, ducked behind an ATM machine, crouched down onto the floor, and began to sob silently.

 

Mistress was consoling me: “Be sure, my boy, that whatever you end up doing today, will have my fullest acceptance and approval, you’re My boy and I support you regardless of what ends up happening”. She was so composed and serene, She was surrounding me with a peacefulness that cradled me in the security of Her lap, Her voice was soothing and pacifying, and i felt tightly embraced by Her. She instructed me to call my wife and get back to Her right away.

 

i left the terminal and returned to my car. It was still early in the morning in my wife’s time zone where she was vacationing, thankfully she picked up, upon hearing of what transpired, she expressed a sincere concern about my traveling that day. She had legitimate reason to be concerned. She still didn’t know why i couldn’t change my traveling plans to a subsequent week when her concerns would no longer be a factor.

 

Immediately upon hearing of my wife’s reluctance, Mistress laid all of my doubts to rest: “rabbit - There is your answer”. Upon hearing this, i lost control of myself and began to cry for the first time in a manner that i couldn’t hide it from my Mistress anymore. She told me to go back home, but i didn’t want to believe my ears. After putting the phone down, i knew it was all over, i threw my hands up into the air as if to ask: Why? i started the engine and proceeded on my way out of the airport.

 

Every “Airport Exit” sign felt like another stab in my heart: “i really don’t want to go here” i kept mumbling. Unable to pay attention, i inadvertently took the wrong exit and wound up in the wrong tunnel, i knew where i was but i couldn’t care, “i have no interest in going home anyway” i said to myself.

 

It was a difficult hour’s ride and i was somewhat composed when i was approaching my hometown. But upon seeing the sign of my town and street, i again realized where i was arriving, and i broke down again. i navigated my way through the town, the shopping center was so quiet, empty, and full of smiles, when i passed by just a few hours earlier, in contrast it was now bustling with cars and people, and expressing a very angry unwelcome face to me.

 

As i approached my home, i took one look and – instinctively - with both hands i slapped my steering wheel as if to blame it for steering my vehicle in the wrong direction, i parked in my driveway, collected my bags and with a most dejected frame of mind & heart i went back into my house.

 

Everything looked exactly the way i left it just a few short hours earlier, but i didn’t belong here, i wasn’t supposed to be back for another two days. Every room in the house greeted me with a painful sting that said: “What are you doing here? Go away! you’re disturbing our peace.”

 

i paced my house back and forth, to and fro, again and again, unable to find any peace. Stepping into my office, i realized that this was the last place i stopped on my way out in the morning. The contrast between these last two visits hit me like another bucket of ice cold water. There was no way i could sit at my desk and computer for another minute. i went upstairs, lied down in bed, and wound up crying myself to sleep; i had nowhere else to go.

 

It was two thirty in the afternoon when i awoke. The bitter reality hit me again smack in the face. The other boys are all getting ready for the dinner right about now. Mistress will look like an angel surrounded by Her subjects. “How can i be expected to endure this?”

 

Is Mistress thinking about me today? Her schedule is jam packed (She said She even had a session scheduled that very morning), but i was certainly incapable of thinking of anything else all day. The day was already chalked up as a lost day. There wasn’t going to be anything accomplished today, i tried to watch some news, read a book, anything to move my mind around, nothing worked, my mind kept coming back to the ugly reality and the ugly reality was not making me feel better.

 

i walked around with a gaping hole in my heart, an unwavering lump in my throat that constantly threatened to break and let loose. Everything in the house seemed to frown at me, begging me to go away. What could i do? i needed to somehow connect to my Mistress, i needed to somehow feel a part of the celebration, i knew what i wanted to do; i was going to find a florist who would deliver personal flowers to my Mistress for the dinner.

 

Find a florist i did. The man on the phone promised that he would arrange something very nice and personally deliver it to the restaurant on that evening. i felt a little better: “Might Mistress be so moved as to perhaps call me when She gets the flowers? Would She allow me to join in by phone to offer my Happy Birthday wishes? i didn’t know if She would, i don’t know how to predict my Mistress, and whether She would call would be up to Her.

 

But there was no way that i could stand being all alone throughout the evening while the festivities were going on. Remembering that there is a very nice baseball park about a ½ hour drive from my home where a minor league ballgame was under way, i decided to go there to waste my evening. Get away from the stinging loneliness that pervaded the house!

 

Clutching my phone just in case my Mistress might call i didn’t want to miss it. The dinner was scheduled for 6:30 PM, time was crawling along to 7:00 PM, “the flowers are probably being delivered right around now”, it was 7:30, and it was 8:00. The phone wasn’t going to ring, Mistress is surely having a great time and as sure as heck She doesn’t need to have it ruined by my grumpy little self. i tucked my phone away in my pocket, got up to get a cold drink, hung around the ballpark for a while, and then went back home.

 

It didn’t take long for me to realize that i wasn’t going to get any sleep that night. my mind wouldn’t stop wondering, my heart wouldn’t stop pounding, and my body wouldn’t stop twisting & turning. So i got up and played on my computer for a while, went out to sit on my porch for a while, laid in bed for a while, my Mistress’s dinner was long over, Mistress is surely asleep by now with a gorgeous smile across Her Angelic face. The image calmed me and rocked me to sleep, and sleep i did for a little while.  i arose again, the sun was starting to rise, the bitter day was now in the past, it was over, it became a part of history. i was at my computer again.

 

i was suddenly startled. It was the ringing melody of MSN which always prompted me: Sit up! Pay attention! Mistress is calling! my broken heart filled with anticipation and with a marvelous lift; Mistress has turned Her Devine attention toward me!

 

“My dear, sweet rabbit.  Oh My gosh.........what an absolutely stunning arrangement of flowers you sent to Me!!  And such an incredible and beautiful surprise.  you brought tears of happiness, love and appreciation to My eyes last night. *poth*  Thank you, My boy.  So, so beautiful.”

 

i froze, my heart filled with a deep soothing that was healing the gaping hole which tore through it on the previous day, i couldn’t move, i didn’t want to move, i wanted to feel those warm embracing words pulsing through every fiber of my being, filling my entirety with Her warmth, Her tender love, i was floating in the cozy blanket of Her welcoming words.

 

“Hi, My boy *warm smile*…        you were missed last night.  How are you doing?”

 

i felt a soaring and unyielding love for my Mistress rip through me, i couldn’t contain myself, yesterday’s pain was too much, and now my Mistress was massaging my wound, Her delicate touch was making me melt, Her words were softening the hardened tissue surrounding my bruise, the pain that had frozen within me was dissolving fast, i felt my gut begin to thaw, and i suddenly had a deep need to cry. i wanted to tell Her how much it hurt, i wanted Her to make it all go away, it was alright for me to cry, and cry i did.

 

It had been almost 24 hours since i desperately needed to feel Her embrace, and now She finally allowed it. It didn’t matter that it was in electronic form, i felt it nonetheless. Oh, how i wanted to jump up and leap into Her arms, i was holding onto my keyboard, She let me have Her attention for 40 minutes before She finally told me that it was time to tear apart and let Her go. Mistress however didn’t leave me empty handed.  After ensuring that i was feeling much better, She instructed me to go get some sleep, and that i may call Her at 11:00 AM.

 

It’s always a very special day when i get to talk to my Mistress, live, over the phone. Today i *needed* it more then ever! i missed Her so much, and i felt as though the phone privilege was Mistress’s way of giving me some of the time that i missed having with Her at the dinner. It had been a long time since i had a pre-scheduled phone with my Mistress. She had been calling me of late at sudden, unexpected, intervals for short spurts. But this time i could brace myself for the oncoming acceptance of Her radiance, i could prepare myself for the shining moment when heaven meets earth, when all of existence merges into a oneness within which there exists nothing but me and my Mistress alone.

 

During the phone call, She told me about the dinner, about the surprise that She so appreciated in my thoughtfulness to send Her flowers. She said that She kept stealing glances towards the bouquet in which She felt my presence with Her - throughout the dinner, and She stressed how much She loved my flowers. To Her rabbit She was massaging all the right buttons, in perfect sequence, applying just the right amount of pressure to each one. Her words felt like a colorful ray of sunshine encompassing me entirely, engulfing me, and lifting me to the heights of satisfaction. She was in effect manufacturing my medicine, a medicine whose ingredients and their exact measure, only She knew.

 

Mistress instructed me that i was to prepare for my reward. She wanted me to come Home to Her as soon as possible. “Even if only for a day” She said. She knew that i needed to feel my Mistress tangibly, so that i could be completely fixed. Indeed i am waiting impatiently for the day when i get to see Her again, for the day when my Mistress will put all of my pieces back together again. i'm on my way to see my Mistress again in less than two weeks.

 

my love for my Mistress is a beauty that defies description.